Saturday Madness

It's another typical day in the Bay Area of the San Francisco Bay. Waiting in line to fill up on gas, blowing up over improper driving etiquette ( the driver who is taking your spot is attempting to swerve into yours or smiles as he takes his time parking while you wait to exit.) and so forth.

We arrive to run some errands; the usual suspects, milk, some glassware, some fertilizer and the usual household supplies. Particularly paper. It seems that in the past five years, we've subsisted on computer paper that seemed to be unlimited. Only recently did it come to my family's attention that we ran out.

So we heave all the stuff, charge the card and leave only to realize that the card's missing. Maybe we left it and some one ran with it. I ask the cashier and I'm re-directed to another associate. The other associate tells me to just call the card company and cancel it. just to be safe. I turn around and just as I'm about to call, my mom tells me it was in her bag all along, hidden under the cover of a tissue.

Whew. We go run some more errands, drop off some mail and just as we back out, another incident of overzealous suburbanites just trying to step on another to get ahead.

Alas, the day ends with me preparing a enormous volume of pasta for the week ahead. School's starting and I must make preparations for dinner lest I starve. I find that teaching has made me quite receptive to food, the usual three meals, and the in-between ones preferrably the one before dinner and the one after around midnight.

I look outside my window and the bright sunny day is a brief intermission. The rain has returned. Good, now the fertilizer that I set on my lawn can dissolve and do its work and wash my dirty car while it's at it. I sit in the living room sipping warm barley tea savoring the moment. Eager for Sunday and then another week of student teaching and classes resume.

DAY TWO - EDTE 143b

Teach Date 1.12.2010

I've been observing these past few days at a FMSD school called Windmill Springs in a first grade classroom. It's a great change in scene coming from a fall semester teaching sixth graders and switching to a lower grade.

I suppose I shouldn't get too excited because its only been the first two days. The teacher and I get along because we communicate clearly to one another. She's very transparent in providing support and mentoring advice when it comes to situations in the classroom. I really appreciate how she allows me to take initiative versus perceiving me as a newbie who might get in her way. I suppose I'm fortunate to have cooperative teachers.

First grade has been an interesting grade. The children are hilarious in the things the say, how they freely express their state of mind with no reservation. It's like they're tiny adults except they're still growing in terms of experience and knowledge.

I really should get back to lesson planning now. I've been dilly dallying for so long. It's a symptom of being on break. I still am on break although I personally decided to return to the school site prematurely. It may interfere with my break, but alas I'm in the area, I've nothing better to do and it sure is great to start school along side the students. I suppose it provides continuity.

I'll write more when the opportunity presents itself.

Day 23 of Win Break: Top Fives?

SO I guess I'll borrow from nick hornby's "hi fidelity" and try to quantify my musical repetoire. I actually listen to a lot of radio these days and its fascinating how I pick up stuff whether it be news, music or feedback while driving on the road or trying to stay sane on long travels.

SO here they are:

A: "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas

This song reminds me of the futility of man. I suppose the book of Ecclesiastes of the Hebrew Bible comes to mind. But also just how easy it is for us to get sick, to be so caught up in the muck but not able to step back and realize that our accomplishments and achievements will only linger for a short while.

I guess my trip to St. Louis, MO really opened my eyes to the effects of gentrification, suburbanization and the term "white flight." In the words of our host, Imagine a doughnut. The people in the suburbs live on the pastry part of the doughnut, think of the sweetness of the icing, the crunchiness of the sprinkles and the fluffy fried dough. Then you have the city of St. Louis itself; it is the hole, the part that is empty yet surrounded with plenty.

From one perspective, beautiful, historic, and grandiose buildings in St Louis are just kept empty and deserted only to be ready to fall; demolishing these condemned buildings is costly but harvesting the unique bricks that the brick buildings contain is a lucrative enterprise. It's sad but a reality I suppose. What a tragedy. I guess I'm biased due to my views looking in from outside. So I cannot talk about it, I can only present it through my own lens and perspective.

Makes me realize how much I need to look beyond aspiring for buying and making 'stuff" to pursuing and lifting up significant values and principles that endure throughout the ages. I suppose like building legacies, movements that persist and believing that there is hope despite the bleakness. Guess that's what i want to be a teacher. or part of it....

B: "Sweet Child o' Mine" by Guns and Roses

I remember hearing this song in Darren Aronosky's "The Wrestler" after a subtest of the CSET. A great film that exposes the deep agony of a has been.

Also this song reminds me of how smiles just lighten me up. I know a few people who just lighten up and perk up people when they speak and express themselves. I met someone at Urbana who always spoke smiling, with a cheery voice, dimples on her face and always a pleasure to talk to. So hospitable. It reminds me of a bus driver on the Santa Cruz Metro who wore Ray Bans and had a nice big smile in that whenever you boarded he would say "Nice to see ya! How ya doing?" Those kind of people definite make me feel glad that smiles are a part of our humanity.

I guess for a depressive and moody guy like myself, it's a relief and rescue. I guess that's why smiles are great. speaking for myself. And to say something that will cause someone to cry or revert from happy to sad is devastating. In my not so distant past I have said things that have made people cry. And I take those experiences with me as I learn to find grace and the ability to listen actively to form a connection, a relationship based on trust. Also that if you turn a frown upside down you get a smile!

C: "Take It Easy" by the Eagles

Ok, so the Dude of "The Big Lebowski" fame may hate the Eagles but they're one of my favorite bands. They have such a chillax way of taking country and rock and making great songs. This song is one of my take a breather songs. When I get uptight, anxious and upset I put this number on and let the guitar riffs and the easy goingness. I think some times as a farewell I say ' take it easy' did it come from this song or did it influence the penning of this song? I really dunno. Well, my friends, take it easy....

D: "Jesus Messiah" by Chris Tomlin

This song was sung at Urbana 2009 and it was so powerful. I remember hearing this song the first time at my fellowship sung by Jon in my fellowship at my church. And I figured, it's a Tomlin song, yay. But at Urbana, with the voices of 17,000 sincere and emboldened voices crying out to God to praise and worship him, that is acknowledge his Worth and his Glory. Wow, what a beautiful sight and sound!

I guess you had to be there. It's something that I am still wondering about, it's easier to describe than explain. I guess that's the mystery and yet the beautiful part of worship, it's not the music or the lyrics, it's experiencing a moment with God, to meditate fully in His presence. Makes me really appreciate the songs I sing at worship i guess.

E: "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi

I was told by the radio deejay to try and sing this song solo and I dunno I think it's doable. I may not be able to sing as high as bon jovi but I can try i guess. This song is interesting. It tells me a story. Sure it's poppy, reminds you of the 80's but its classic.

I remember watching 'the karate kid' the whole soundtrack has like an uber 80s pop influence. Well, I suppose that's how music remains and continues to be reshaped and reformed.

I guess I am moved by the lyric "we've gotta hold on to what we got/doesn't make a difference if we make it or not/ as along as we have each other" It makes me think of community and how I look back in my life whether my faith, school or family. I was never alone. Someone was always there to be there.

Ok, and I'm a big Bon Jovi fan, esp. "Wanted Dead or Alive." I guess I'm going through a classic rock phase....

Dec 21st 2009 Day 8

Apologies for my infrequent blog entries.

It's interesting how time flies when you're on break. You think you'll have plenty of time to do what you want but find that you either squander the time or spend so much doing one task that multi-tasking is rendered ineffective. Like helping Mom bake persimmon cookies and fighting over how much cups of sugar to use and duhhdah^3.

SO I did some errands with my mom. We braved the heavy downpour and I stayed in. Well, we stopped by the library to drop off some dvds, only to find that I borrowed more. I got caprica, the new mini-series prequel to ronald moore's reimagined bsg and also bryan singer's "the usual suspects"

Just saw ordinary people last night; very touching and sentimental film. I think coping with the grief of the lost of a loved on has helped me value this film as a gem. That "messes" happen and you can't just pick up the pieces, clean up and move on. You take that pain with you but find the strength, courage and hope that life is precious and all worth holding onto despite all the "normal" stuff going on.

I guess that's how nostalgia is like a pain in your gut that won't go away. Like overstuffing yourself and hoping that one glass of barq's root beer at the all you can eat buffet can push down all the food you've just eaten in the last twenty mins from the sashimi to the sweet and sour pork.

(that's another story to be told at another time/if you're interested in hearing about it, talk to me.)

Well, a well-made film. Always appreciate dramas from time to time that don't involve love stories, babies switched at birth, far too many subplots and forbidden love (ok, so basically I outlined every sappy east asian melodrama, sorry to spoil the fun...)

Ok, so this is my second cup of tea and I better end here lest I slack off and not work on crammin for my us constitution test.

Day 7 of Winter Break (WinBre) Sunday 12/20/2009

Today I was awoken by my mother.

I apparently overslept after spending a long winded day gift shopping, running errands and then tending to the persimmon harvest at home on sat.

So I saw two films back to back as well as an old episode of stargate universe, the finale before the new season after xmas.

The films i watched were valkyrie and the postman always rings twice. gosh, what a overdose on suspense, drama and extreme tension.

So Valkyrie in short is Bryan Singer's film starring Tom Cruise about the 20 July Plot within Nazi Germany when some Nazi officials and military officers conspired to oust Hitler from office. un fortunately, it was unsuccessful, but worthy in the books of history.

Postman was a 1981 adaption of a 30s crime novel about a hitchhiker who has an extramarital affair with a road stop's owners discontented wife as they conspire to kill the innocent husband so they can live happily ever after. The film kinda felt long and protracted at times. But there's lot of good acting and the scenery looks really authentic to the period. Unfortunately, I wasn't swept away.

So next, some films to watch. Infernal Affairs II, Happy Together, and the first years (a documentary on first year teachers.)

I'm also re-watching the original source material for Harmony Gold's Robotech: Macross, Superdimensional Fortress Macross. It's quite interesting and fascinating. More risque than the more commercial and family friendly American adaptation.

Well, Sunday involved a lesson about the concept of worship between man and God.

Then immediately afterwards, I went downtown in SJ to hand over some PS memory cards my friend's been wanting to get back. We ended up waiting uber long to get into the old spaghetti factory because of all the family events that night. But it was kinda cool hanging around in the alleyway near the restaurants entrance, taking snapshots, making funny poses and chatting about dim sum and what to order; which made us all the more hungrier.

I had the manager's special with a mitzhra cheese/browned butter and mushroom sauce which i must say was amazing.

Lots of dinner conversations, parlor games such as mime and talking about history, the power of memory within narrative esp. family stories (how we came to America etc.) and more importantly I got to know a few people around the dinner table a little more. TO reference this post, my friend's fellowship were a part of a holiday event involving xmas in the parks a white elephant and dinner at osf.

Well long story short, I ended up almost getting stranded in the parking lot cuz the ticket machine wouldn't read the cash i kept inserting. So i ended up scrounging up two ones and some loose change and managed to pay my three dollar fare and leave.

Got home, didn't even brush my teeth and then i just crashed.

didnt "wake up" until ten this morning.

I know, its break mode....

Day Four: Walking around my ex-Hometown

So a little background before you read my post; It'll help explain my state of mind.

I emailed an old HS teacher to observe his classroom and Im told by the powers that be that I am not allowed to visit without documentation or prior authorization. So having gone to this high school, just coming back to visit and see what's up, I'm being treated as if I am a stranger to this place. That's disappointing.

Ok, so I take the VTA bus, its drops me off in the local strip mallish area where the old library used to be. I call up a friend and whine about how this sucks.

I stand above an overpass whether the tracks stand. A train is coming and it honks its loud horn. I'm standing above it watching it plow through on its tracks, doing whatever its supposed to be doing. Cars swish behind me; the 237 is a busy road.

Then I walk to the library only to find that its not open. I watch a good amount of Star Trek that I just got in the mail yesterday and I get absorbed. A man opens the door and the deluge begins. People rush in and the library is warm.

SO I'm waiting on my mom to pick me up so I can write some more later.

Thursday, why can't you be like friday?....

Day One of Break

December 14, 2009

For my own memory which is horrible, I pledge to keep a record of this break in the form of a journal.

First off, I woke up late. I knew I had to wake up earlier and observe a classroom, but I decided to rest for a few mins. What happens in a few mins became a half hour. Way late.

I rush into my car, steep some strong green tea and I grab some quick breakfast at a burger king drive thru. fast food, ugh, but its food.

With the smell of grease permeating the interior of my P.O.C. (piece of crap) car, I am lost in the web of freeway overpasses and strip malls. It's Story and King and I think I'm in Little Saigon. I finally realize that I missed the street sign, hidden by the glare of the bright afterrain sun and I make a left turn.
I'm in the classroom, my pen in hand cradling my notepad. My friend teacher's trying to appeal to her student's common interest by relating a letter to a teacher as a form of setting lifelong goals.

Such a uplifting story, to share how as a high schooler she had high aspirations and looking back after college and receiving that letter written a long time ago, like a time capsule, everything seemed to fit and work itself out. Ah, the joy of teaching....

Ok, I'm running some errands, spend a great deal of time shopping for a USB/AC power outlet adaptor. I'm home, slurping on my mom's noodles and chomping on wontons submerged ina light chicken stock and I'm watching Spike Lee's "When The Levees Broke" and it brings me to tears.

My mom returns, and I retire to my room, set on working on the household finances. I work on em some more, dinner arrives. Some friends are leaving out of the country, I hand them a Xmas present and bid them safe journey. Order a few things on Amazon, listen to my podcasts, twittle my thumbs for a bit and here I am.

Another unproductive winter day.

End of day one. 37 outta 38 days left of break...